Having just read Pema Chodron’s book Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to succeed. What is success? Is it getting what we want—a new job, a relationship, a great health report? Is it making a lot of money? Winning an Olympic gold medal? Being elected to a position of power?
Success isn’t necessarily circumstantial, something expressed on the outside in obvious material form that others can see. The internal dialog and subsequent emotional interpretation of circumstances determine our true experience of success. For me success is different today than when I was in my 20s and 30s when I narrowly defined it around my achievements. Now I think of success in terms of being a force for good in the world. Of influencing real change. Living as an example, in small and big ways, that reach outward beyond my own identity.
After being in my own business for most of my adult life, I’ve been applying for jobs the last few weeks, and there’s one I REALLY want. Just imagining working for this company energizes and lights me up in ways I haven’t felt for years. Having spent the last three years feeling stuck in transition wondering how I wanted the next chapter of my life to unfold, when the clarity finally kicked in, I thought the rest would be easy-peasey. Not surprising though were the new anxious feelings that came up almost immediately, now tied to really wanting that end result. How amusing!
I thought the hard part was the confusion and uncertainty which left me feeling unmotivated and groundless. But this feeling of impatience that I know comes from being too attached to a particular end result, is of course a great opportunity to practice what I’ve learned over the last 30 years: how to be calm in the face of uncertainty, how to take action and let go of outcomes, how to keep the faith that life is supportive and provides endless opportunities for good things to unfold even when they may appear to be falling apart. The truth is when we label something good or bad, when some serendipitous event appears to be a windfall or a misfortune, we never really know what’s coming next or what the result of that event might be.
So today I’m setting an intention and dedicating my morning meditation to patience. This is my discipline and practice for the coming days, weeks, months ahead, as I continue to walk towards my fear of not knowing what those end results will be.
May you too find strength in the not knowing and release your grip on particular outcomes. We can only do our part and the rest is up to uncontrollable forces.
What does success look like for you?